apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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