Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
