i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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