Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
