hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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