I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
