My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
