Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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