I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
