I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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