i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
