my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
