OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
