Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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