You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
