my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
