Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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