i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
