Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
