and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
