I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
