I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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