Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
