Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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