the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
