well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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