He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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