Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
