We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize