Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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