Your face is a jimmy john
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
