you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
