She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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