i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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