She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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