i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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