your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
