It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
