I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
