she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
