Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Randomize
