I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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