I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
