Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
