he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Mom said you looked used
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize