I think I died a long time ago.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
