when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
