Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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