i permit you to call me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
