I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
