we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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