You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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