She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
