Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
