I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
