do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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