I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
