whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
