can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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