i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
