Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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