u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
