Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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