Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
did i walk over a car last night?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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