I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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