he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
