I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
