Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
