the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I supernannyed him into submission
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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