Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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