I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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