i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
