Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
