I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
