he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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