Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
