This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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