there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
