Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
