Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
