Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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