Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
