Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
