So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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