She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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