Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize