i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
