um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
