I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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