So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize