Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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