My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
