Me. At least after what I've been through.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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