this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
