Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
