K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
