Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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