Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
