Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
