we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
