You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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