You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
