My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
