I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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