non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
