I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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