the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
